Yogi Cameron: Hi everyone, this is Yogi Cameron.
Yogini Jaima: And I'm Yogini Jaima.
Yogi Cameron: And this is Inspire Living, where we answer your most pressing questions.
Yogini Jaima: The question, "How do I stay peaceful around family and not have conflicts?"
Yogi Cameron: Good luck with that.
Yogini Jaima: No, no, it's interesting. I was just reading the other day in Yoga Magazine, which is an incredible app. You guys can get Yoga Mag by Bihar Publications, Bihar School of Yoga, and Swami [inaudible 00:00:44] was talking about the relationship between parents and children. He said, "After adolescence, one should stop parenting and become a friend."
Yogi Cameron: Oh, that's controversial.
Yogini Jaima: Right? But these are the realized masters that are giving us this [inaudible 00:01:06] knowledge, so I sat with that. It's interesting what I started to understand, because everything's energy, right? And of course, parents have an obligation and a dharma, a duty, to give discipline and to parent and to create boundaries. All of that is an energy of control while that being is in development, but after adolescence, that being actually wants to and needs to develop confidence in itself, and so I think that's often where the conflict starts happening with teenagers.
Yogini Jaima: So, I sat with it for a while. I started to go, "Oh, I understand," and also, what happens when you're a friend? You become a listener, right? You become a better listener. Rather than just immediately speaking what you want, we listen to our friends. Our friends can say anything they want and we're gonna hear them and then we're gonna talk them through it or help them through it or be there for them.
Yogi Cameron: Yeah, you have a lot more respect for your friends than you do with your parents when you-
Yogini Jaima: Often, yeah.
Yogi Cameron: Yeah, once you hit that age, because your parents are trying to control and you're trying to find your way. The parent doesn't often know how much to give, let's say, that rope, right? I like to see it as a rope. As the child can swim better, you give more of the rope and then eventually it swims on its own. It's really difficult to know when that time is, but we have an obligation not to put our fears on our kids, and that's I think what happens is if we parent too long, then we put all of our habits, all of our bad habits, a lot of good habits, and then all of our fears. "Don't do that. Don't try that. No, no. Oh, I did that. That might not work," and all that stuff that your parents, my parents told me and their parents told them kind of thing.
Yogi Cameron: Then, it becomes an issue of attachment. You become attached to your kids. So all of this stuff, a lot of it is based of course in love, but a lot of it is based in fear, and so maybe that concept is become a friend and then advise.
Yogini Jaima: Well, then taking it, because we're talking now about parent and child relationships, but families, everyone, right? It's the uncle that you may have disagreements with, or it could be a sibling or a cousin, right? So many members of family that come together. I don't know what it is about family, right? Is it the comfort zone, that all of a sudden it's like everybody's ugliness can come out and you can try and control people and try and-
Yogi Cameron: The familiarity.
Yogini Jaima: It's a familiarity thing, right? So, when you start to actually look at all of your family members as a friend, no longer give them that title of mother or father or sister or brother, okay? Let's leave those imprints from childhood behind, and walk in open-minded and open-hearted and look at them as a human being, and it really changes the dynamic. I know, I've totally done this practice, and it really changed the dynamic that I had with a lot of my family members and our relationships actually got a lot more closer when I started listening to them and looking at them as a friend.
Yogi Cameron: Yeah, it helps you get over that anxiety, especially if it's the holidays or times like that. So, you can go and you can enjoy and you can be and allow everybody to say what they want, be how they want, and also knowing it's a moment. It's a moment in time. You'll be out of there, and you move on. That's how I treat everything is everything is the way it is and everybody has opinions and let them all talk. I should just listen, and if I listen, anybody can say whatever and it's okay, and then I can still keep my opinion and go away and do whatever I want, but in the moment it keeps everything nice and peaceful.
Yogini Jaima: Surely.
Yogi Cameron: Yeah. So, lots of love.
Yogini Jaima: Lots of love and peace for the family.
Yogi Cameron: Yeah, and happy listening.
Yogini Jaima: Namaste.
Yogi Cameron: Namaste.